My Method of Reviewing Albums

     I am not into buying singles.  Don't get me wrong, I will by a single here and there to satiate my urge to purge whatever song is stuck in my head (curse you, Madcon, for your terrible cover of Beggin'!).  I love albums, mostly because it isn't instant gratification.  Albums are fully conceptualized, cohesive thoughts on display for world consumption.  Albums define One-Hit Wonders. The difference between The Smashing Pumpkins and Candlebox are the albums.  So I take my album purchases seriously. 
     So, because I'm a big-mouthed knowitall, I feel it's my God-given right to share with the world my opinions on the albums I buy.  I'm hoping that these ratings spur some debate on good music.  Maybe my reviews and ratings will introduce some of you to new artists that might have never caught your attention.  I love sharing the music I love with people that love music.
     It would be helpful for you to understand my rating system.  When reviewing an album, I rate each song on a scale from 1 to 100, then I average the scores to come up with the CAS (Composite Album Score).  It's as simple as that.  Yet, its simplicity belies its complexity.  When I first started using this system, I found that some LPs that I thought were greats, or even classics, really had only three or four great songs surrounded by average efforts.  See, to me, the definition of a great ALBUM is one that you can start playing at the first song and never have the urge to skip a song through the album's conclusion.  I'm sure that if you went through your personal catalog of music, you would be shocked to know how few truly great albums you possess.
     Here is how I break down the CAS numbers:

• 96-100 = A Marvin All-Time Classic
• 91-95 = I love this album and will annoy my friends with how highly I think of it
• 86-90 = I am very happy I bought this album
• 81-85 = I'm still happy I bought this album, but I thought it would be better than this
• 76-80 = I must have been drunk on the singles... I should have bought something different
• 71-75 = I must have been drunk. Period.
• 00-70 = An investigation must be launched into who stole my credit card and bought this shit on Amazon.

     My wife read up to this point and, in so many words, asked, "Why is 70 such a crappy score in your world?" I thought about it, and understood it is a fantastic question. 70 is a craptastic score because in order for me to have bought the album in question, I most likely have already listened to some of it, and liked it. So it is a colossal disappointment to buy an album and it rate out to a C-.  And who sets out to create a C- album?  I mean, other than this current generation of rappers, who decides that they're going to spend three to nine months working on an album and, after listening to it, say to themselves, "...eh... it's adequate. Put my name on it and print it!"  That is why 70 sucks.
     I believe an example is in order.  But, I will do you one better; I will give you an example that is also the benchmark for all albums.  To me, the greatest album of all time is... Michael Jackson's Thriller.  As far as an end-to-end burner, to me it gets no better.  My rating system treats Thriller like this:

1. Wanna Be Startin' Somethin' (100)
2. Baby Be Mine (98)
3. The Girl Is Mine (95)
4. Thriller (100)
5. Beat It (100)
6. Billie Jean (100)
7. Human Nature (100)
8. P.Y.T. (100)
9. The Lady In My Life (100)

      THRILLER CAS =  99.22

     Let me tell you, with the greatest of scrutinizing, I challenge you to find another album with 7 songs you can honestly mark as 100's on a scale of 1 to 100.
     Before I go, let me leave you with a few things to keep in mind when reading my ratings;

• Most albums I review will have a CAS in the 80-90 range, seeing as I preview albums before I purchase them.
• If you request me to review an album, I will try my best to oblige. But please remember I have 6 kids and a full time job.
• If an album has skits as stand-alone tracks on the album, the skit will be combined with the track it belongs to, and the two tracks will be scored as one.
• Sometimes it will be necessary to score two song tracks as one, depending on the way the artist intends the album to be heard.
• After reviewing over 30 albums so far, I have come to learn and appreciate the difference between a CAS of 90 and 93.  The difference is A LOT LARGER THAN 3 POINTS!
• It is very hard to achieve a song score below a 70.  The fact that an artist managed to create a song, have it produced and recorded, and a record company agreed to release it accounts for some talent. To get below a 70, a song has to go beyond the casual shoulder shrug and dismissal to actual frown inducement.

     I hope my reviews entertain you. Feedback is warmly welcomed and greatly appreciated.
-MPII